Encouragement, Not Flattery

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…

I Thessalonians 5:11

For the first time, I witnessed my friend at a loss for words of encouragement. She is always quick with words that edify and exhort those around her, but on this occasion, she had difficulty finding something good to say. The work she had evaluated was far from superior. She wouldn’t use flattery; and so, as she went to leave the meeting, she said, “Thanks for the (pause, pause)… job.”

We’ve laughed about her words for years, but truthfully, I admire this friend’s determination not to speak empty words of flattery. Instead, she used her words that morning to lovingly, gently guide the woman in ways to accomplish her work more efficiently. She followed Paul’s example to the church in Thessalonica: On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery…We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else…For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory (I Thessalonians 2:4-6, 11-12).

Paul reminds us our mission as believers is to say not what others want to hear, but what they need to hear. A discouraged person needs words from scripture that bring encouragement. A grieving person needs words of comfort. As a godly father lovingly imparts truth to his children, we believers need to exhort one another with truths from God’s word that will guide us toward God-glorifying holiness.  

Are you trying to please men or God by the words you speak? Are you prone to speak words of flattery, words others want to hear? Or are you prone to speak truth that encourages, comforts, and urges others toward holiness?

Lord, keep us from flattery. Help us speak sincere words that edifying others.    

Jan Burkhart