Feeling Lost and Alone

So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

I had passed by the sign and been in the building more times than I can count. But today the sign hit me in the pit of my stomach, “Cancer Institute.” Suddenly, I realized this wasn’t a routine visit. It was more lab testing to verify my form of blood cancer and help determine best treatment options.

I walked into the lab waiting room. The lady at the front desk greeted me and said the tech would call me soon. The room was empty except for one gentleman, who never took his eyes off the television set. As I walked by him, I smiled and spoke. He nodded in acknowledgment. I could tell he wasn’t watching the television show but was lost in his thoughts. Two nurses came in talking about the struggle they had to get their children off to school so they could get to work on time. More workers drifted in, one detailing what a great weekend getaway she had with friends.

I thought to myself. When was last time I had a carefree moment? My head had been spinning for months that cancer was a possibility. Now confirmed. My new normal is hospital waiting rooms. I sat quietly thinking about the last few months and the roller coaster I was riding.

The fear and anxious thoughts that come at 2 a.m. each morning, disrupting a peaceful night’s sleep. Thoughts of what the treatment will be like. Will the chronic pain I am in get worse? Medical expenses? How will I keep doing the things I enjoy? All swirled through my head like a cotton candy machine churning out the sticky lumps of candy on a stick. I prayed, “Jesus, do you see me and can You hear me?”

As soon as I uttered that sentence peace began to fill my soul. A feeling of gratitude took the place of anxiousness. I looked around the room at the nurses and doctors and knew that God has me there for a purpose. I reflected on the months of unanswered questions. Now I have answers and progress is being made in my care. I thanked God for bringing me this far. My prayer was interrupted when the lab tech called my name.

I don’t know what you are facing in your life, but I know without a doubt that the One who parted the Red Sea for His people to walk through safely will not leave our side, not even in a hospital waiting room. In fact, He will sit in the chair beside you. He will give you strength for the moment and all the moments to come. We must trust Him and His timing.

Mitzie Avera