All in Grief
I didn’t recognize the number, so I let the call go to voicemail. I listened as my cousin’s friend told me to call her as soon as possible. Hands shaking, I pressed the number on the phone. She said, “It is about John.” Her voice cracked as she held back tears. “He had emergency surgery this morning, and he passed away shortly after.” I burst into tears; my only living cousin on my dad’s side of the family had passed.
A parent with devastating news posted a prayer request in our group. While the rest of us stumbled with our responses, one woman wrote, “I have no words.”
I walked through the pasture attempting to solve a mystery, an unusually large tangle of feathers hanging from the fence. However, upon closer examination, I gasped to see two large eyes from within the tangle staring directly into mine.
Have you ever felt unloved?
Genesis 29 unfolds the story of Leah, who was married to a man who loved someone else. God saw Leah in her unloved state and opened her womb. She gave birth to Jacob’s first-born son, Reuben, and declared, “…the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now” (Genesis 29:32).
Recently, I walked through a difficult season in life that involved sorrow, suffering and unexpected disappointment. I wanted desperately to “do this right” and I often prayed that somehow God would be glorified through this process. Then I read about a season in Peter’s life where he was “sifted”.
I am, unfortunately, all too experienced at saying these goodbyes! But, I was not prepared for six granddaughters to simultaneously wail so loudly that their mothers came running!
A friend’s daughter posted on social media that she had been pregnant and lost the baby. My heart hurt for her. I know in part how she feels. I have miscarried twice. I remembered those feelings from long ago.
A curveball: “something unexpected, surprising, or disruptive” (online Dictionary). Ever been thrown a curveball, ladies? How about a year of curveballs? Not entirely what I expected of 2021, especially after 2020.
Albert György created a statue to portray his intense grief after the death of his wife. The statue, called Melancholy, is located in Geneva, Switzerland. If you haven’t seen it, look it up. It’s been said the statue’s bowed head, huge hole in the torso, and missing pieces of flesh and muscle express as nothing else the feeling of deep, consuming grief.
Ah, Job I thought as I contemplated the Womenary calendar last fall—not exactly the most uplifting book. Now wasn’t that just typical of 2020! But what better time than the present to consider the reality of suffering with all the ups and downs of that year and the February deep freeze of this. Let’s jump on into the deep end ladies, as suffering is indeed a deep subject.
Easter came and went with a decidedly different flare this year. Granted, the online services were phenomenal and reached way more than even the usual Easter crowd. A sense of worship was in the air.
Esther is another example of a woman in crisis, albeit of a different kind. More precisely, all the Jews in the vast Medo-Persian kingdom ruled by Xerxes were in dire straits and Esther was the only one who had any hope of getting the ear of the king. You see, Haman held a grudge against Mordecai, Esther’s adopted caregiver, because he refused to bow down and honor him (Esther 3:2). So Haman looked for a way to destroy all Mordecai’s people, the Jews, throughout the whole kingdom of Xerxes (3:6). He persuaded Xerxes: “They do not obey the king’s laws; it is not in the king’s best interest to tolerate them” (3:8). The date was set to annihilate all…on a single day (3:13).
2020 is definitely one for the history books. What details will you cling to? For instance, where were you when JFK was shot? I was on my way with my mom to have my prom dress altered. On 9/11 I had turned on Fox News as I dressed for Tuesday morning Bible study, in time to see the second tower fall. My husband, September 1945, vividly remembers his mom propelling his terrified 4-year-old self past the barricade at the Vancouver (BC) train station to meet this uniformed stranger who tossed him in the air asking, “Where did you get that red hair?”
December ushers in the Christmas season. Everyone is wonderfully happy and selfless, or so the retail marketers and filmmakers would like us to believe. The commercials and movies show pictures of smiling people baking Christmas cookies and selecting the perfect gift. All the houses are elaborately decorated both inside and out. A mound of gifts waiting to be opened lies under a beautifully adorned Christmas tree as the problem-free family congregates.
We’ve come full circle from the dust of creation to the “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” of death (Genesis 3:19). One for one we die, that much is certain. Inevitably then, the final big question will hang in the air: where am I headed after I die?
It’s painful to hear, especially when your heart is numb from loss and your eyes red with tears—Death, where is your sting? You want to shout, “It’s right here in the pit of my stomach and the ache in my heart!”
Are you facing this holiday season with a sense of dread? This may be your first Christmas since losing a loved one you. This will be our eleventh Christmas without our younger daughter who died at age 32. It is difficult, but I can assure you that God is a God of comfort. Even though you are feeling now that you won’t be able to make it, God will pull you through this difficult time.
